Through social media, social discourse,
education, ads, and the like, society bombards us with two opposing messages.
On one side: the necessity to excel, to (out)perform, to succeed, to be role
models, to exceed expectations. On another side: the importance of being
relaxed and easygoing, of leading a healthy lifestyle (respecting our mind and
body), of taking life with a grain of salt.
This blog post is meant to explore this
substantive dichotomy that surrounds us in our modern, twenty-first century lifestyles,
and to navigate how it can become possible to reconcile the realities from
which this dichotomy stems. In fact, by pointing them out, I don't mean to
minimize any of these two views. Unless they are taken to an extreme, both are
actually substantially healthy.
The cause of our generation's stress and
distress - or at least of mine! - doesn't reside in the presence of either one
of these messages in our popular discourse. Rather, sparks arise from their
coexistence. In itself, the coexistence is manageable, reconcilable. Yet
somehow, our inability to do well while remaining gracious and relaxed is
socially condemned as a fault.
In college and early on in our career, many
of us feel the pressure to be - and to be seen as - successful. This may mean
specializing in a challenging field, receiving top grades on assessments,
logging in many hours, or otherwise adopting behaviours positively recognized and applauded in our networks (family, friends, colleagues...). We're also
expected to do all that as though it's no big deal. It becomes even better if
we have the ability to turn it into a life-learning experience.
"How's your internship?" I asked
a friend.
"Oh, it's long hours, but it's cool, I
expected it, yeah, I like it!"
Or I get asked, "How's law school? I
heard it's a tough programme!" I could be truthful to myself and expose my
real feelings about the experience, or I could give an answer that's standard
and expected, like most other students do: "It is, it's a lot of work, but
I've been managing it pretty well".
There's no problem with the above scenarios
- if people actually enjoy their experience, that's great, and if they're doing
well, why not even brag about it a little - we all deserve a pat on the back.
What makes me uneasy is simply that these answers are expected: we know that we
should work hard, excel, yet do so with a smile and with ease. And truthfully,
that's a lot of pressure! Life's sending us some slaps across the face and each
time we have to stay there standing a little taller, growing a little stronger,
and remaining self-composed. And since everyone around us is adopting this same
"I can take it" attitude, it becomes difficult to stand up for our
true, sometimes struggling self and admit to both ourself and others that; you
know what, this is actually mighty rough, not enjoyable, and a roller coaster
ride. At some point, I think we'd all benefit from collectively admitting that
the path we chose - or got propelled on - is a difficult one and that remaining
calm, serene, and happy is not a continuous requirement, nor an easy task.
Strikingly, we are also bombarded with
beauty, health, and wellbeing standards. Leading a balanced life is now a
social necessity. While managing professional and personal obligations, we
should still find time to visit the gym three times a week, eat planet-friendly
and organic foods, be an active member of the social media world, and only step
out with an impeccable outfit. Most importantly, there's a social pressure to
be light and put on a smile when interacting with others. Except for a few
close friends, people aren't particularly open to having us share feelings of
aggravation, exhaustion, and irritability. When things get rough, we shouldn't
take it too seriously: rather, we're expected to take it with grace, with a relaxed
attitude.
Take these examples of hardships: losing
one's job or being ill. "I heard you're out of a job" becomes an
inquiry we answer by "yeah, but that's alright, my job search is going
well!" or that we feel the need to justify with a "its giving me time
to question myself on my true values and objectives so I can better reorient
myself". And those suffering from illness will somehow never really feel
quite comfortable telling you what a bad day is like. I'm not saying a positive
attitude should be condemned : it's priceless and quite necessary! But
honestly, the pressure we feel to silence hardship and consistently transform
every challenge into a positive experience can be exhausting, and rather
unhealthy.
In the academic world, a bad outcome to an
assignment is not to be sulked about, but great results are presented to others
with a nonchalant attitude, "no big deal". Having anything short of a
full-time course load and another dozen obligations is frowned upon and the
person's ability to deal with stress is questioned, "oh really, you only
take four classes and you don't have a part-time job?". Enjoying hard
work, adversity, and challenges is great: we all seek the satisfaction we get
out of those. Yet these shouldn't be imposed or obliged. Mostly, they shouldn't
stop us from being able to admit they come with a cost, or that we aren't ready
to always do more and better, because we just aren't comfortable with paying
the cost that comes with.
The biggest problem I see in all of this is
the constant quest for Perfection that so many of us seem to strive towards. We
are working towards an ideal of professional and personal success to the extent
where we even forget to enjoy the adventure we are on because we are blinded by
the objective we aim - or that we think we should be aiming. We forget to
question whether the path is still enjoyable to us, whether it makes us happy,
and whether it's even taking us somewhere we actually want to go.
What I suggest is not to reject
success-oriented philosophies and take everything lightly by focusing solely on
wellness. This extreme would be as detrimental to us as its opposite. It would
more than likely leave us gasping for the challenges that keep us alive. As I
said earlier, I think both are reconcilable and a balanced middle ground is
healthiest. Therefore, what I suggest is to consciously evade our quest towards
an imposed sense of Perfection and to rather strive towards a personal sense of
Excellence. The difference I see between these two is that when aiming
Perfection, we listen to and attempt to emulate ideals dictated to us from the
outside, we leave no space for mistakes, and we compare ourselves to others,
whereas when aiming for Excellence, we create our own personal objectives and
ways of life, we accept and learn from our mistakes, and we compare ourselves
to nobody other than our own self.
Personally, going from a
Perfection-oriented mentality to an Excellence-oriented philosophy requires me
to practice the Art of Letting Go: simply put, it means I must learn let go of
long-established instincts. It requires turning to others for help, sharing
experiences of hardship, questioning my present and long-term goals, shifting
my definition of success from socially imposed ideals to personally inspired
objectives, and much more. In brief, it requires a fundamental shift in my
approach to self-worth. Yet doing so has led me to become much more content
with where I stand. Therefore, I really do hope that this brief reflection will
encourage others to also reflect on their definitions of success and the
expectations bestowed upon them as young adults. It should be alright, and
encouraged, even, to question and denounce the expectations that both we
ourselves and society impose on us. This can lead us to choose for ourselves
what satisfies our personal definition(s) of Excellence, which I honestly think
is a great step forward for those struggling to keep up with the dichotomous
young adult world we landed in.
---
It was a matter of time before Subtil équilibre had to welcome a post written in English. Now, at least, this blog represents much better my bilingualism!
